Phone call to government services

Hello , you have reached the department of NON human services,
How can I help you today ?
Caller : oh , I was after the human services department.I didn't even know there was a NON human dept .
Official : oh yes , we cater for zombies , ghosts  ,the living dead & satan worshippers.
Caller : Oh , that's interesting. Who are  these characters that you help?
Official : oh , they are from new zealand . The premier of western Australia , Colin barnacle , knows about the satanic nz rituals , but does bugger all ( nothing ).

Anti bacterial mindset

In this era of countless germs infesting our environment ( including the politicians ) ...
I have become a vigilant anti bacterial operator .
Bleach & hospital grade disinfectant have become my weapons of choice .
If you gargle a  solution of bleach mixed water ( just a few drops in a large glass )
..this will clear your throat of germs .
Bleach is used to kill Ebola .
People carry germs via touching infected surfaces then eating without disinfecting themselves .
A garden spray bottle is good , containing the bleach - water mixture...
however one receives strange looks from passers by , when spraying and disinfecting a pie , just bought from the local bakery....
Its all good though , because I am totally germ free even if my mental state is a bit fragile .

Onto the topic of bacterial fried chicken stores , which are numerous .

They employ staff trained in satanic rituals .

" To commit evil deeds " is their mission statement.

Satan , himself , pops into selected stores , to whip up some shocking bacterial meals .

Vote for vibrating Dildos

The population of Australia vote in vibrating dildos every election.
Yes the members of parliament are very plastic ,
run on batteries and provide a small amount of satisfaction for only a few seconds .
Then ,a real dildo is shoved away at the back of an undies drawer .
This is what should be done to the parliamentary plastic penises .
Most of the time , these dildos of democracy , shaft or rear end the poor  citizen,and anyone who has to deal with the plastic p's ...suffers a  pain in the arse from being shafted .